I came to Celebrate Recovery a broken woman. I had grown up with a Christian mum and became a Christian myself when I was 10 years old. I was sexually abused as an 8-year-old by a baby-sitter, which I suppressed for many years. When I was 18, I left home to train as a nurse and left my Christian life behind. I indulged in all the wonders of men, drink and occasional drugs. In that time, I had some awful experiences such as physical abuse by a fiancé and rape by a date.
All this left me feeling worthless and dirty, even though others saw me as a bright and bubbly woman, full of joy and life. I felt dead inside.
I met my husband and married. We were happy and I began to feel worth something again. We had a wonderful son and then a daughter, but two days after her birth was found to have had a brain haemorrhage. “Take your baby home and see if she passes her milestones,” we were told, “We don't know how she will be affected.” What a nightmare! Thankfully she has passed all her mental milestones and only has a slight physical disability which with some wonderful medical personnel she copes well with. She started having seizures when she was 4, but this year has come off her medication and has been seizure-free since. She is beautiful, funny and a blessing.
During this time, I felt that I was being punished for my earlier excesses in life. This was compounded by the fact that I had a husband that said he adored me but spent more and more time at work—sometimes not coming back for weeks except to change his clothes! I felt so alone. Unfortunately I turned to another man for comfort. It didn't work, of course.
My husband and I had our last child (a boy) safely but for the whole pregnancy I was petrified that he would have something wrong and I didn't want him. I was antenatally and postnatally depressed. I wanted to hide in a hole and never come out. I had a marvellous health visitor who helped me and my mum was, as ever, a rock.
I went to an Alpha course and started to come back to God. My marriage however was in a big hole which I didn't think we would ever climb out of. I couldn’t see a way that we would ever be able to repair it and so we separated.
I started Celebrate Recovery in October 2006 knowing I had to confront ‘the demons’ from my past. I didn’t realise that it would affect my future! Through the teaching, the small groups and time with my sponsor I have managed to face the past, forgive others, be forgiven and forgive myself, too. I have managed to start to look forward and not constantly backwards. And crucially, I have begun to listen to God and spend more time with him.
I never could quite make the trip to the solicitor to get divorce papers. In recent months, my husband and I have become reconciled after a lot of heart searching, understanding, prayer and talking (something we didn't ever do). We felt we should move house nearer his job, giving us more time together and enable us to be a family again.
My youngest son has become a joy to me and I am grateful for the love we share and the close relationship we now have. He is a special gift. And I know that through all my trials God has put beautiful people in place who have helped me (without me realising it most of the time). I now know I am not broken beyond repair, as I thought before, but am being mended and moulded to what God wants me to be. I still struggle some days but I can call on God and get all the help I need. He will help!!
We put our house on the market and it sold in 2 weeks to a first-time buyer!! We have found a lovely home in Red-ditch, which the children love its garden with a wood at the back as you go out of the back gate!!
God has worked miracles for us and in all of my family and I am just so grateful. I never thought this time last year that I would be in the place that I am now. In fact I was at rock bottom. It has been an amazing journey—and still is!