Released Into The Future - Brenda's Story

I had a very unhappy childhood and early adulthood. My mother was abandoned at birth and grew up in a convent in Ireland where she was abused by the nuns who ran it. Consequently, when she entered the outside world at 17 years of age, she was barely able to function as a "normal" person. She always suffered from severe depression. She married my father, who was in the army, and as a small child I lived in Germany and Hong Kong amongst other places. I remember being very terrified of my mother and very scared at all times, and never leaving the house. Her and my father also used to fight a lot.
At seven years of age, I returned to the UK and when my parents separated my sister and I lived with different aunts. Then we went to live with my father and subsequent stepmother who already had six significantly older children. My sister (who was 4 years old) and I were very confused - my stepmother was very unlike our own mother and we didn't fit in with our new "family". My father told me from the beginning he was always going to put his new wife before my sister and myself. He never accepted us for what we were. Our behaviour was probably naughty, but we were young. We were called "bitches" often and left to our own devices. My sister and I grew up extremely isolated, painfully unhappy and ignorant of how to function "normally". My father also used to hit us.
As a teenager I developed anorexia, which I had for many years, and my sister was in hospital with anorexia for a year. At university I was terrified of everyone and barely spoke to anyone. Shortly after I graduated, my mother committed suicide and it was my sister and me who were left to go through her things. After that I had something of a "death wish". I was working in a factory and began abusing drugs on a regular basis. I also slept with countless men, and often put myself in very dangerous situations. Basically, I didn't care what happened to me.
I then did another course at university which got me a job in London - I believe this was God's first move to save me and it was a turning point in my life. Shortly afterwards, I became a Christian, and I could see God moving in my life. Over the years, I married and had two children and moved to Oxford.
Although I had been a Christian for around seven years, I was still very unhappy. I had severe post-natal depression after the birth of my first child and was on anti-depressants and all kinds of therapy. I used to feel very angry in church and like a second-class citizen compared with everyone else. I still had a lot of "issues" to sort out.
When I saw the Celebrate Recovery course advertised, I was pleased as I'd never before seen a course for "Christians with Problems"! I was very nervous the first time I went as I didn't know where I was or anyone there! However, I soon settled in as it was a very friendly and welcoming group of people. The course is very slow-paced and gives you plenty of time to grasp what is being talked about.
Together with my sponsor, we did a lot of work "healing" me from the past. We rejected the labels that had been put on me in the past by family members, and cut me off from the sins that my family had committed. I forgave family members, primarily my father, against whom I had heaps of anger.
God has miraculously "cut me off" from all the pain of the past that I had been carrying around. I used to lie awake at night going over and over in my mind all the things that had been done to me. Now I can see those things as something separate - although they did happen, it's almost as if they happened to someone else.
My husband says I've become a lot "lighter" and "cheerier" over the past year. I'm also able to walk into church and not feel angry at everyone in there, as if they are a lot better off than me. Rather I feel equal to them. I'm also working on improving my relationship with my father, and have begun ringing him - which I hadn't done for month. I have even arranged a visit - when I had adamantly decided I was never going to ring him or see him again.
I believe God wanted to set me free from these things which were tying me to the past and to release me into the future.